An American Love, An American Suffering

        Darling, I will always love you. Sometimes I think about our condition, about your voluntary jail, and I feel that I am a complicated man, because I love a forbidden girl and this love occupies me, but I can't forget our feeling and I don't want to be different with you.

However, you think that to be without me is better for us. I disagree, but what can I do? You said that the life is yours, and I can't change your opinion with my words. I just wanted to be happy like a gardener with his garden or a photographer with his art. I love you and I feel that my soul is crumbling and my heart is aching and nothing can change this.

When I enter in a classroom, I imagine that you could be my student. The time would go pass quickly, and I would to be a good teacher to hold your attention. My racionality asks me: Why much suffering? There is dedicating their strengths in the wrong direction?

Maybe I'm doing it all wrong and I'll be the most affected in the end. Maybe I should change my posture, be less sensitive. My opinions it seems totally wrong. My destiny is to suffer.

When the moon comes up and the people return to their houses, I think that you could be with me. In my bed, I see your body's picture and my body easily gets excited.

Oh, darling, these things are very strange. I find the reason in my dreams and I understand that we'll never be together. But when I wake up, still sad because of my dream, I say to myself that I can't stay without you. I cling to a beautiful illusion builded across our frank words. Let it be, my princess. Don't forget: I love you.

I'll try to forget you. I need to like more than I am. I have a lot of beautiful dreams and I believe I can realize them. I hope by the end of this storm. I want meet the people and don't feel angry of them. I want to learn with the mistake of loving you. I have many things to talk, but I think that's enough. I bury my broken heart. I want to forget this suffering fool.

Fernando Costa e Silva